Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
