just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He better not be in your backpack
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
