Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
