babies were throwing up all over the place
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
