Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
