dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
