Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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