Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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