hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
