Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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