he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
