He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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