before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
