Grow some girl-balls and come out already
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
