so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
