imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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