You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
