thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
