fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
