I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
