apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The best revenge is premature balding
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
