Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
