I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
