Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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