I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
