this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
