I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
