Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
should my penis look like a turkey
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
