T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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