those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
