shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
