I seem to have left my pride at pride
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
