my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
