i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
