I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
