you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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