Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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