I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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