I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
