I like to think it a success when the cops are called
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
