Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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