Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
