I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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