$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
