Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
