i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i was born a porn star she said
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my liver is dry heaving
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
