He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
