I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
from now on my penis is your penis
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
