So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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