The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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