Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
