There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I understand Curling. That high.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
