So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
